I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
