In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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