so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
