I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
