Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I faked an abortion last night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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