just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
