NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
