maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
