she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
