I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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