went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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