All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
