so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
