imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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