I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think i got beer on your cat.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
