I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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