can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
