dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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