When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
