R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
