I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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