I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
