Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
