The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
