genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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