he puts the penis in happiness.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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