do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
