he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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