How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
