You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
