So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
