Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
