Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
