After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
