Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
