I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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