It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
