i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
