I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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