i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
