At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
