And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
