Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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