I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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