I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
