i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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