Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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