WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
