How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
