A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
