Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
COCAINE IS GR8
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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