This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
