tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
high people should be assigned attendants
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
