the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
last night I used snow as a chaser
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