Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
