i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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