I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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